TW: Rape, victim blaming
(This was initially written almost two weeks ago and has been reworked before being posted here.)
Tomorrow is six years since the last time I was raped. What a terrible thing to have to say. The last time. A signifier of other times. Times that hide in the shadows of memory. Lurking. Waiting. Each time a ghost that plagues me. A specter to haunt me in the night. In darkness, I am surrounded by the ghosts of the traumas of the past. I can’t even count them. I know not their numbers.
6 years. 6 years. 6 years.
Words that echo and rattle and reverberate. Building. Consuming. Inescapable.
I feel alone.
My husband doesn’t know how to help. My wonderful, caring, compassionate, loquacious husband is at a loss for words.
I am alone.
Delusions of paranoia keep me from speaking to him. Words catch in my throat…
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